ADHD In Adult Women: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
The ratio of adult women to men with ADHD is 1:1. Still, interestingly, in childhood, the ratio of girls to boys with ADHD is about 3:1. This difference means that there is a disturbing underdiagnosis of women and girls.
ADHD stands for Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, which is a neurological (in the brain) and hereditary (in the genes) trait.
Previous studies called it Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). But this name became insufficient when additional research found that ADHD shows itself in three different categories: inattention, hyperactive-impulsive, and a combination of the two. So, the name was changed to ADHD to include the other 2 types.
As an ADHD Simplifier for over two decades, I define ADHD as a chronic trait of limited self-regulation.
Specifically, I describe a person with ADHD as someone with chronic, limited self-regulation of their words, actions, feelings, and thoughts (or W.A.F.T.).
Diagnosed after college, I relate to many struggles of ADHD women. Adult women with ADHD differ from men with ADHD because most of these women tend to have good grades and positive academic performance in childhood.
Earlier research incorrectly emphasized that ADHD meant lousy school grades. That's why most ADHD women were not diagnosed until late in their lives, after experiencing a long time of repetitive shaming for being different than other girls or women and internalizing their struggles as personality flaws, leaving many striving unrealistically to be perfect.
You might be thinking - ADHD is challenging. I agree!
And it’s even harder for women because women must manage complicated ADHD symptoms, medications, and treatment with already complex women's health issues - such as menstrual cycle, pregnancy, infertility, menopause, and all the sugar and spice of monthly hormonal changes. Managing my ADHD symptoms felt impossible as I went through all of these women-related health changes (except menopause; I’m close to that stage, but not yet).
In this blog post, I’ll share the good, the bad, and the ugly truths about women with ADHD that many don’t want to talk about - but we must. So let’s get started.
THE GOOD:
My ADHD diagnosis in 2002 led me to understand some of my seemingly awesome superpowers. Research has also revealed many people with ADHD have similar symptoms. (Yes, even the positive traits of an ADHD person can be from their ADHD symptoms. Not all symptoms are bad.) Here are some of the good characteristics of ADHD.
Hyperfocus, or the ability to focus for extended periods of time until the task is done, without regard to external and internal factors, has proven helpful during crunch time at school and work.
ADHD people have innate justice sensitivity, making them suitable for numerous civil rights and advocacy careers. Mine led me to become a seasoned lawyer and TV legal analyst.
People with ADHD tend to be creative, outside-the-box thinkers, compassionate, spontaneous, and weird in a fun way.
Weird is the side effect of being awesome.
What’s even more impressive is how ADHD treatment actually boosts these phenomenal traits and even helps manage previously inaccessible skills. When I took my ADHD medication for the first time, I felt I was wearing glasses for my ADHD brain. I could "see" my world better. After receiving treatment, medication, or therapy for ADHD, it’s no wonder ADHD women start feeling confident that they can finally reach their potential!
People with ADHD have become successful. Some famous women with ADHD include the record-breaking Olympic Gymnast of All Time Simone Biles, The Fast and the Furious actress Michelle Rodriguez, and acclaimed Barbie director Greta Gerwig. Many more exist that you can research online!
THE BAD:
After my diagnosis in adulthood, I started thinking about my negative experiences in childhood leading up to college. My ADHD diagnosis became an explanation (not an excuse) for my emotional dysregulation, insensitive outbursts, and irrational anger issues.
It doesn’t help that ADHD symptoms for young girls and women are easily overlooked because they tend to be more internal - such as inattentiveness, daydreaming, and forgetfulness. This results in delayed diagnosis, often late in adulthood - after they’ve experienced many of “the bad and the ugly,” sadly.
Many get bored quickly and feel unmotivated, leading to multiple unfinished interests and frequent job changes.
Everyday life and social interactions feel awkward. ADHDers spend much time overthinking what non-ADHD people say, trying to fit in.
For moms with ADHD, they often feel they can’t keep up with their chaotic households, trying to live up to societal expectations of what moms “should” do. They feel unable to manage their kids and school activities. Basic things that an average person can seemingly do easily feel overwhelming, such as keeping track of doctor's appointments, upcoming events, and time management at home. Some feel and label themselves as a “bad mom” when that is not the case.
Often, their family and friends contribute to their shame and stigma. Their non-ADHD partner and other family members misinterpret their sensitive dysphoria and challenges in managing their everyday lives as bad personality traits or mood disorders. Early diagnosis of ADHD could have saved many meaningful relationships.
THE UGLY:
Undiagnosed ADHD can lead to painful, negative consequences, such as increased risky sexual behaviors, unplanned pregnancies, and coerced sexual encounters. These risky behaviors often stem from untreated executive dysfunction from ADHD.
Untreated ADHD can lead to harmful coping mechanisms such as substance abuse, alcoholism, and gambling addiction. Many have a higher tendency to drive recklessly, leading to catastrophic events, as you can imagine.
Low self-esteem from years of negative talk from others, and even to themselves, becomes part of their identity.
Difficulty maintaining healthy relationships, frequent job changes, and hardships living up to cultural and societal gender roles can increase symptoms of comorbidity (meaning having more than one condition simultaneously).
Frequent comorbidity with ADHD includes anxiety disorder, personality disorders, oppositional defiant disorder, persistent tics, mental health issues, sleep disorders, and even high blood pressure.
All of these combined can lead to isolation, severe depression, and irreversible self-harm and suicide.
I have to add this here. Remember, 988 is the mental health hotline equivalent for 911 emergency calls. 998 is the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. If you need someone to talk to, please remember the number 988. You can call, text, or chat online with trained professionals anytime. Please share this number with anyone who might need it. The direct link to their website to chat is HERE.
You might be thinking why do we need to even talk about the ugly side of ADHD? We must talk about these unspoken “worst-case scenarios” for women with ADHD. Bringing awareness to the good, the bad, and the ugly of ADHD in women can enlighten all of us and our families about the need for early medical diagnosis and treatment from trained mental health professionals.
WHAT CAN I DO?
Get A Diagnosis.
Diagnosis is the first step. Each ADHD individual experience has a unique treatment. This is a good starting point for an ADHD mindset. Why?
Since not all ADHD is the same, a group of people with ADHD can show different symptoms and executive dysfunctions. That's why a better way to find positive coping methods and effective treatment options is to get a diagnosis as early as possible.
Once you confirm your diagnosis as ADHD, you can address treatment and coping strategies for ADHD (instead of wondering if you have ADHD and using ADHD tools when you actually have a different medical condition.)
You can complete a private ADHD assessment in your own home at your convenience using the ADHD Self-Assessment Tool that the World Health Organization (WHO) developed. It's free and only takes 5 minutes to complete. You can take the test and grade it yourself.
This free ADHD assessment tool has been translated into different languages, making it culturally sensitive and accessible worldwide. You'll still need a formal diagnosis from healthcare professionals, but it's a good start if you need more time, money, health insurance, or resources for a medical diagnosis. I provided a comprehensive explanation of this free Self-Assessment Tool in my blog post, which you can easily access here.
Tips and Reminders.
After your diagnosis, trained mental health providers can guide you through the different treatment and coping strategies available. Many of them didn't exist twenty years ago when I was diagnosed! Let's discuss a few of them here.
ADHD prescription medication is the most effective treatment, according to numerous scientific research. Stimulant medication is not the only prescription drug available. With extensive research over the past 30 years, ADHD medication now includes non-stimulant medications as well.
Many alternative treatments also exist, including mindfulness meditation, ADHD coaching, and positive support groups such as an ADHD community that can make a huge difference in validating your ADHD symptoms and struggles.
Coping mechanisms also include unique solutions brought to you by new technologies, such as using smartphone apps for productivity tools, automated text messages for reminders, virtual assistants, and AI assistants. Don’t feel bad using them. It’s okay to use them to support your brain’s executive functions.
Tap into your creative side with a color-coded to-do list, pens, highlighters, sticky flags, and post-its. The more you externalize information, the more your ADHD brain will thank you.
Take advantage of the different ways you can complete tasks. If one system doesn’t work for you, figure out what works for your quirky ADHD brain and do that. Completing the task is the goal here.
Keep in mind that the only way for you to find out if an ADHD treatment or coping strategy will work for you and your unique ADHD brain is to try them.
Here's a crucial reminder that you must remember! It's not bad if the coping strategy you choose does not work the first time or loses its effectiveness after long periods. It's okay. It happens. It's how your ADHD brain is built. What worked last year might not work this year. Again, it's okay. Being aware of your ADHD brain’s tendency to do this will help you better manage your ADHD symptoms and be open to trying treatment options when that happens.
Remember:
Know what ADHD coping strategies are available for you.
Choose which coping strategies are compatible with you.
Use each coping strategy for as long as your ADHD brain allows you to, then pivot to the next coping strategy once you feel the previous ones are no longer effective.
CLOSING REFLECTIONS:
ADHD in adult women has pros and cons. We must talk about all of them (not just the good) to raise awareness. If we’re unaware of the problem, we can’t address it.
Most importantly, with awareness comes compassion. Compassion - for ourselves and others - makes the most significant difference in all the coping strategies. That’s why I’ll cover that topic in an entire blog post next.
In the meantime, as you navigate the good, the bad, and the ugly of the ADHD brain, seeking mental health professionals will support your ADHD journey. That’s why I’m a strong advocate of going to therapy. A therapist can help you choose what’s the appropriate ADHD strategy that compliments you well.
By going to therapy once a week for over 20 years, I learned many things about my ADHD self and the unique tools I can use to play up my strengths and compensate for my weaknesses. I even consider the different therapists I’ve had throughout the years as my personal ADHD coaches!
I also invite you to our ADHD Simplifier community. It’s a great way to connect with like-minded people with ADHD in a stigma-free and no-shaming environment. It’s a safe place for neurodivergents like us!
Which unhealthy coping strategy are you going to give up today? Which healthy coping strategy will you implement today?
Share your responses in the comments below. Your words inspire me to write more blogs like this!
P.S. For sources and in-depth discussion on this and similar topics, click to connect here: ADHD Simplifiers Community.
